Back in the day, before it was cool and accepted by society, I was a serial internet dater. If I had only had this Procedural Dating Kit, my life would have been much easier. It’s genius! Some might say it takes a little bit of the spontaneity out of dating… but really, aren’t we are all just trying to get from point a to point b?

There is a dating dossier section for keeping all the info straight when dating multiple people, including a section to jot down info gathered while internet stalking. And why bother talking about your intentions? Just give out a notice of exclusivity or non-exclusivity! A dating feedback card will help you improve performance on future dates. As for meeting people the old fashioned way (in a bar or club) there is a contact sheet that allows for a smooth exchange of information. A relationship résumé can end the awkward debate about having the dreaded “ex” discussion, and avoid an overshare. There is also a sexual release form that is quite helpful.

This kit almost makes me wish I was still single so I could be all OCD about it!